we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
