my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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