I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
