absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
