I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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