Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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