It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
