I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
