I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i think my cat just said my name.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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