4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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