Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would fuck him just for his dog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
