alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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