Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize