the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
