why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize