Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
