i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
