I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
