This girl is more easily done than said...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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