someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
