tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
