Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
