just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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