mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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