i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
