The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
