apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
