he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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