I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
