Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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