Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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