Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
