hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
