This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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