It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
