How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize