i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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