if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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