My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
