she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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