trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just cropdusted the office
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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