Im at strip club and am horny
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
