You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
