i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
