Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
