So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
