Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
