You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
