Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
