I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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