I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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