i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
