I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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