I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
