If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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