Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
