Someone shit on the floor
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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