i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
