I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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