have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
