honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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