omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
