I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
