I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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