She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
