Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
