3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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