So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
