i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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