U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
