i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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