I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
