I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize