gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
