I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize