moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
