You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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