I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
