Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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