Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
