They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
