just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize