mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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