So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
