Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
