I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
