I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
