Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
