She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
