My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
