He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
