you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
