there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
